The Year’s Top Seven Weird Funeral Crimes

Maybe it’s the bad economy but weird funeral crimes are on the rise. Earlier this fall a Wisconsin cemetery worker allegedly swiped a $2,000 guitar from the casket of a 67 year-old grandfather.

“It was his pride and joy,” said one family member. “This isn’t something I normally do,” said the robber. “I just have a respect for fine musical instruments.”

The dead grandpa guitar thief is only the beginning, below is a list of weird funeral crimes that have occurred within the past year…

Accidentally Carjacking Grandma – In West Virginia, 23 year-old Angela Jeanette DeHart was accused of stealing a hearse from a funeral home that contained the dead body of an 85 year-old woman. The driver had left the trunk door open and the engine running when someone jumped inside. Police found the black Cadillac Fleetwood hearse parked next to DeHart’s house. The corpse “had been jostled around,” said police, “possibly from reckless driving.”

Dead Friends, Burritos and Strippers – Two Denver men allegedly took their dead friend for a night on the town, visiting several bars, a burrito joint and a strip club. They also took his credit card. It went down something like this, according to a Denver police officer: “Rubinson and Young go into the restaurant and drink. Jarrett is in the back seat of the car…[They] use Jarrett’s credit card to pay for the drinks they consumed.” The pair stopped at a diner before taking their dead friend back home and putting him to bed. They kept his bank card, withdraw $400 then went to a burrito restaurant and a strip club. Robert Young, 43, and Mark Rubinson, 25, were charged with identity theft, criminal impersonation and abuse of a corpse.

Other Great Reads: A Guide to Funeral Etiquette

Priest’s Subaru Stolen During Sermon – Michael Kanclerowicz snuck into a church in Massachusetts during a funeral, stole the priest’s Subaru then drove to the beach. Kanclerowicz was arrested at a hotel on charges of using someone else’s credit card. He had apparently entered the church through a back entrance and sat behind mourners, wearing a large knapsack on his back. He was witnessed kneeling down and making the sign of the cross. Kanclerowicz then reportedly exited the church, entered the sacristy, took the keys and hopped in the Subaru. He has been sentenced to 4 to 12 years in prison. “My message to him,” said the priest, “is to not steal.”

Would You Ever Take Your Girlfriend’s Urn? – In Connecticut, a 37 year-old man named Mark Kzakrzeski, armed with a handgun, took an urn containing the ashes of his girlfriend’s grandmother and chucked it into the woods behind her home. Kzakrzeski was charged with larceny, illegal possession of a firearm and disorderly conduct. The urn is yet to be recovered.

Other Great Reads: Stealing Urns for Scrap Metal Money

Stole the radio, left the 98 year-old – In South Florida, a man stole a mortuary company van, only to discover the body of 98 year-old Matilda Kazimir inside. She had recently passed away at a nearby nursing home. The van’s driver had left the keys in the car and run back in to get his cell phone. When he returned the van was gone. Police found the vehicle a few blocks away, minus the radio. Kazimir’s body was still inside, seemingly undisturbed.

Game Boy Swiped from Dead Teen’s Coffin – In Hillsdale, Pennsylvania, 37 year-old Jody Lynn Bennett reached into the coffin of an 11th-grader and stole his Game Boy. The teen had died Christmas morning, when his SUV skidded out on a snowy road and struck a utility pole. The crime occurred just after the funeral service. The boy’s uncle approached Bennett just as she was about to drive away and asked about the missing Game Boy. What Game Boy, she asked. Bennett could see it in her car. She had also taken three games. The total value of the stolen goods was placed at $46.90.

Charlie Chaplin’s Corpse Stolen by Auto Mechanic Duo, No Joke! – Not recent but it may be the best funeral heist of all time. The legendary silent film star died on Christmas Day 1977 and was buried in a 300-pound oak coffin in the village of Corsier, Switzerland. The following March his body was stolen by a pair of crooks who demanded 400,000 pounds for its return. Chaplin’s widow, Lady Oona Chaplin, refused to pay, saying, “Charlie would have thought it rather ridiculous.” Police set up false pay-offs but the robbers didn’t show. The police, expecting a call from the robbers, then tapped the Chaplins’ phone and assigned officers to monitor more than 200 phone booths across the area. The call came and the police traced it back to the originating booth. Roman Wardas and Gantscho Ganev were arrested, both auto mechanics. They led police to Chaplin’s remains, buried in a cornfield about 10 miles from the graveyard.

Know of a weird funeral crime we missed? Tell us about it in a comment..