The Week in Death and Dying, as a Prose Poem – Hugo Chavez, Sean Penn and Deviled Eggs

A funeral home in Compton offers drive-thru funerals behind bullet proof glass, no different from a McDonald’s.

A visibly weeping Ahmadinejad hugged Chávez’s grieving mother.

“People knew Venezuela for oil and the girls,” said Maldonado. “Now it has changed a lot.”

Harry Weathersby Stamps, ladies’ man, foodie, natty dresser, and accomplished traveler, died on Saturday. He purported to remember every meal he had eaten in his 80 years. He had a life-long love affair with deviled eggs, Vienna sausages on saltines, homemade fig preserves and buttermilk served in martini glasses. He loved his mom Wilma. He particularly hated Day Light Saving Time.

Virginia State Police Trooper Junius Walker was shot to death Thursday on Interstate 85. “He was built like a grizzly bear, but he had the disposition of a teddy bear.” Russell E. Brown III of Chesterfield County is charged with capital murder. Prosecutors will seek the death penalty.

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Three high school students were killed in a Ripley County crash Thursday. Two more teens killed in a car crash in Will County. Their vehicle flew-off a bridge, plunged into Forked Creek and sank upside down. In Mozambique, the funeral for a taxi driver dragged from a police vehicle in shocking incident filmed by onlookers.

“The blood of our future is literally flowing down the sidewalks and the streets of our communities,” said Gloria Driver, the President of the Illinois Select Morticians Association. “We don’t enjoy burying our children.”

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Funeral homes in Boone County under investigation for possible misuse of money. “It’s important to note the majority of funeral home directors are good.”

“Funeral Boss” is a reality show that digs deep. Harris’ oldest son, William III, is leaving his rough and rugged past behind, aspiring to one day become the boss. This dream has the potential to be crushed by Tiara, CFO and Daddy’s ‘baby girl’, who is “not afraid to use her pretty pout to get ahead of her brothers.” Windall is the laid-back son.

While Olga and Jerome attended Rhodes’ funeral, thieves broke into the East Side apartment the three friends shared. Police say the best defense is a dog and strong deadbolt locks. “The typical way they do a burglary,” Duffer said. “Walk up and ring the doorbell a bunch of times.” If someone answers the door, the thieves come up with a tissue-thin story about a lost dog. Ask a friend to house-sit during a funeral, Nemchev advised.

The case of the missing funeral director. No one has commented yet, to say where he is, or what happened to him.

Funeral arrangements have been set for the baby who died after being shot earlier this week, according to the tweet.

Apparently, during the funeral service, a cell phone went off and the ringtone was the song “Staying Alive.” Awkward. As a side note, I have heard of people getting buried with their cell phone.

In his eulogy, Rev. Jackson said: Life is uncertain. A life of service is what matters. Hugo fed the hungry. He lifted the poor. He raised their hopes. He helped them realize their dreams. Actor Sean Penn did not make any statements. Director Oliver Stone glorified Chávez. Former U.S. Rep. Joseph Kennedy II, especially praised Chávez for supplying free heating oil to low-income Americans. “He was a great supporter of Formula One, supporting not only my career but about 50 drivers around the world,” Pastor Maldonado said. Danny Glover did not attend the funeral.

“I feel like I have lost myself,” Ahmadinejad said, “but I am sure that he still lives.”

Said another man: “Ahmadinejad has a brave heart.”

Sources:
Funeral held for Mozambican taxi driver
Funeral arrangements set for 2 teens killed in crash
Funeral arrangements set for 3 Ripley Co. teens
Police investigate two Boone Co. funeral homes
Funeral directors hold anti-violence rally in Chicago
Iran’s president raises eyebrows with behavior at Chavez funeral
Drive-thru funeral home in the ghetto
Bay County man opens funeral home, hopes to help victims of Kaznowski prepaid funeral fraud
Nearly 3,000 attend funeral for state trooper shot on I-85
Residents concerned after local funeral director goes missing
Awkward ringtones at a funeral
Harry Stamps obituary goes viral
‘Funeral Boss’ digs up the goods on family business
Funeral for baby killed in shooting set for next week
Funeral can be chance for burglars to hit house
Hugo Chavez’s funeral: Jesse Jackson, Sean Penn, Iran’s Ahmadinejad
Tumultuous week for Maldonado after Chavez funeral