Talking about life and death with the President of the National Museum of Funeral History.

Visiting the National Museum of Funeral History (NMFH) is a treat. It’s a fun and quirky place that’s filled with unique and well planned displays, all tying back to the funeral business. The day we visited, we were lucky to have the chance to sit down and chat with the museum’s president, Genevieve Keeney. We talked about her thoughts on life and death, the path that brought her to where she is today, and what the future holds for the museum.

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The NMFH is housed in the same building as the Commonwealth Institute of Funeral Service. This Institute is where Genevieve Keeney started her career in the funeral business. It would probably be more accurate to say that she started her second career since she joined the school fresh off of 12 years in the U.S. Army. She was highly decorated for her service and she holds a long list of degrees and educational awards. Ms. Keeney is an active member in a number of professional organizations and spends time working at the Veterans Hospital. Oh, and one other little detail. She’s the mother of four.

Ms. Keeney on how our perception of death and if it is changing…

The generation that is up and coming is more open to learning, and they have access to a lot more information that is unfiltered or uncensored. This gives them a little more of the reality of death. In past it was altered or protected in a sense. Of course, we always want to respect the dead and the families of the deceased, but I think there is a certain level of injustice that we do in trying to protect. We either create a detachment through protection or we create the inability to fully grasp or understand what truly the meaning of death is and what death looks like.

On how she got started in the funeral business…

When I was 7 years old, because of a news segment (more on this later), I had this curiosity, I wanted to understand what death looked like, what is involved in the process, what at the cellular level of the human body takes place and what causes death, what creates death and once the body dies what does it look like and how does it transform through the death process. Because I was curious about death, I learned that there was so much more than just the act of dying and being dead. There were all the emotions that come out of it. Emotions that we’re not taught to deal with or how to cope. My undergraduate degree is in Psychology– I wanted to understand how people deal with grief and what is the social cycle effect of grief.

In school we’re taught 2 plus 2 equals 4, we’re taught how to properly pronounce words and the proper format of the wording when you are creating a sentence. We’re taught about chemicals and what reacts with what chemical to create a concoction that has this wow factor when you mix two chemicals together. But nobody is ever really taught what happens when you are faced with grief and what kinds of emotions are evoked in that process. And then at different age levels of our life the concept of death changes and because we’re not taught what those concepts are and how we can understand them and actually process them, we don’t allow our children or our young adults to embrace it for what it is truly is—a natural process of life.

On death and children…

I’ve seen parents protecting children from the fact that they’ve lost a parent. Instead of allowing the child to be a part of the process they try to protect the child by keeping him or her away from it. The child understands what’s going on and is going to create their own reality of it. It’s better to give them the reality of it–within reason.

Of course, if someone has a horrific tragic death then there are elements we need to shield children from but I think if it’s a natural process they should be given the opportunity to learn about it, be part of the ritual, or custom that surrounds the death. As adults we do all this preparation, we plan to get married one day, we plan to graduate from high school, from college, we plan for the birth of a child and all of this stuff takes time. It’s 12 years of school or it’s a four-year commitment for college or it’s a nine-month commitment for a child or it’s a couple of years in planning for a wedding, but we’re not guaranteed that those events will actually happen.

The one event that we can guarantee will happen to everybody, we just don’t know when, is death and we don’t prepare for that. We don’t take the time to step back and say when I die, what do I want my funeral to say about me, how do I want the people that I leave behind to celebrate my life or pay tribute to the impact I had on them and their life and how have I prepared my children for this because I will be absent of them one day. I’m not saying every parent knows when the appropriate age is to be able to introduce this, but let’s think of this concept: when our children are toddlers we subject them to our Disney movies. How many of the Disney movies and how many cartoons depict death? All of them. So we have subjected our child to the concept of death since they were a toddler. They also understand the absence. I should say they feel the presence and they feel absence. So there is this. It’s almost like an innate ability that we have as human beings and I think it is important that we elaborate on that ability and slowly introduce the concept of permanent absence.

On the news event that, at age 7, made a big impression on her…

Unfortunately, an infant baby was found in a trash can close to our home. My brother and I were adventurous kids. We would do things like pop can collecting so we would have change for things we wanted. One day we forwent our collecting to play with our friends. Our “competition” went collecting that day and ended up finding the baby, unfortunately. I went to my brother and said “that could have been us”. It wasn’t a morbid curiosity. However, it was the event that I would say transformed my life and led me to where I am today.

And so I was curious about what it would have looked like if we’d found it. Would I have been scared? How would I have accepted it? The mind of a child is very open to wanting to learn and when I was 7 I wanted to learn more about death.

Now, to fast forward–I was stationed in Germany and there was an unfortunate murder/suicide that involved a soldier and his family member. I worked at a clinic and part of the responsibility of the clinic was to care for the dead but nobody wanted to do it. Of course, I wanted to do it. I wanted to learn. It took me back to when I was 7 years old and I was like wow… I’m finally going to get my opportunity to really embrace what I had been seeking all this time. I stepped up and said I need to follow these bodies all the way through the process. My commander was kind enough to allow me to embark upon the mission.

So, here I am finally getting to be where I’ve wanted to be since I was 7 years old! I’m standing at the foot of the table and I’m completely geared up and they’re about ready to start the full examination going into the autopsy and I started to feel queasy. I said “Oh my god! This cannot be happening. Genevieve, you’ve waited your entire life for this one moment and you’re going to pass out.” I went to the restroom and I just had to find a way to pull myself together. There were two sets of double doors and the set on the right would take me back to the room where I just was and another set of doors on the left. I wasn’t sure what they were but I wasn’t ready to go back in yet.  I just had to sit there and continue to gather myself. The double set of doors to my left was in front of me now and I could hear this very soft serene, almost angelic voice coming from behind the door and it caught my attention.

A distinguished older gentleman, short in stature, opened the door. He had an apron on and he was talking to the administrative clerk and his eyes caught mine. Why he popped his head out the door I’ll never know but he looked at me and he said, “Do you want to come in”? And I said sure, but why was he calling me in? I was supposed to be in the other room. So he said, “you’re here to learn aren’t you?” I said yes, and he said, “come on in, let me show you what I’m doing.”

So I go in the room and there he is standing over an infant child and he’s preparing the remains for shipment back to the US. He’s singing a sweet angelic lullaby as he’s preparing the baby and he’s explaining to me what he’s doing while he’s continuing to sing softly. At that moment, I felt like my life came full circle and I’m finally seeing the infant that I had sought since I was 7. This now is telling me my path. And so I looked at him and I said, might I ask what you do for a living? And he said I’m a funeral director. And I said that’s what I want to be. That’s where I need to be. And that’s what led me to where I am today.

On her vision for the museum…

The vision for the museum is to become that neutral environment where people can come and gain a true perspective and understanding of how we celebrate the life of somebody through a ceremony we call a funeral.

Culturally, we have removed ourselves from caring for our own dead. Just like we go to the doctor for our healthcare, we go to the funeral director to care for the deceased. We always involve some type of agency or nursing staff to help care for that person. So we’re a bit detached from caring for our dead. I’m not saying that there’s anything wrong with that. It’s what people can handle in their life. There’s always that element of the unknown, of what goes on, what it entails, and why we have funerals. There’s a purpose behind our profession. A lot of people don’t understand that.

I think it’s important that we sit back and we put all of this into perspective. Not only what does death look like but what does the cost of death look like. What does it look like today and what does it look like 10 years from now. What does it look like 20 years from now? That’s another concept that people can take from the museum. An understanding, not only how the industry has evolved, but how costs evolve– you can see that in some of the exhibits.

On which museum exhibit is the most important…

Professionally, I would say the history of embalming. Historically, I would say the Presidential. Culturally, I would say our International Hall that houses different countries and how they portray death, celebrate death, bury the dead.

In reality, “Thanks for the Memories” because that is the one exhibit that puts so much in perspective for people when they realize how television continues to keep entertainers, animals, certain characters that we grew to love through television, they are kept alive through television. When you go in it’s like a reality slap. “oh my gosh, I didn’t realize that the inventors of Doritos really lived and died.” It really hits home that although you didn’t know them personally, they have had an impact on your life through their presence either through entertainment, music, invention, somehow they’ve impacted your life.

Think of Steve Jobs. How many people have a sense of connectivity to him, not personally, but for the inventions that he created and the technology that he brought forth? When you go in and say, “wow, this man lived and this man died.” No matter how grand he is, he’s still human. “Thanks for the Memories” puts that in perspective. No matter how talented you are, how much money you have, or how much political influence you have, we will all die.

On what’s coming up for the museum…

The sky is the limit. We have several things we are working on. Some of them will be temporary revolving exhibits, some will be more permanent. We’re going to be revamping the veteran’s exhibit. We’ve been working on that for some time now but we’re trying to collaborate with several different veterans’ organizations to really bring this exhibit to life in a manner that not only embraces what the military has done for us over time, but will get people to really understand the cost and the sacrifices that an individual makes for our freedom.

I’m working with CANA, the cremation association, to bring a cremation exhibit in and we’re working on an exhibit called Modern Day Memorialization. This will help people understand the many options that are available to them. We know that the biggest thing is that people fail to pre-plan. This is one of the most important things. Modern Day Memorization will open up a lot of ideas in people’s minds and show what you can do if you plan.

I recently went to a funeral director’s convention and saw all the amazing inventions that were coming into play in our industry through technology– from the type of caskets you can have, the way they’re painted, imagery that really represents that person inside.  And then you go to cremation and you look at all the different opportunities that you have for cremains and it’s fascinating.

On the future of the museum…

I want the museum to become two things. I want it to become an educational resource for the everyday person that wants to learn more about death, dying, and the funeral process. But I also want the funeral profession to embrace what the museum can do for the profession. I want them to be active participants of the museum as we continue to grow. We all may be funeral directors, but we all have our specialties in our profession–the way we conduct the business, the way we connect to our families, the way we connect within our community.

Just take the funeral stuff out of it and look at the educational part of it. Culturally, there is a lot of culture to learn here, the evolution of the vehicle—you can see it all the way from horse-drawn all the way to motorization. You can see how the vehicles have evolved over time.–the way they worked metals and wood just through the design of the caskets and coffins. There’s so much more to the museum than just the profession. And there is a lot of art in caring for the dead.

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