Your Grief

How do I cope with the loss of a loved one?

At first, your grief can seem overwhelming and never-ending. You must recognize that healing is a process that takes time. Rather than simply trying to be "strong," treat your grief as you would any other serious illness or injury. It needs care, attention and time to heal.

Allow yourself to cry — it's a natural reaction to the loss of a loved one. Share your feelings with others rather than keeping them all to yourself. Involve yourself in the funeral planning and make sure that it has meaning for you. Find outlets for your anger and your guilt. Get professional help if you need it or get involved in a support group.

Also, see our Grief section for additional information.

Grief Support — Helping Others Deal with Grief

How do I help a friend cope with the loss of a loved one?

When helping a friend that has recently suffered a loss, remember that every person grieves differently, so your friend’s feelings of grief may be totally different from yours. Perhaps the best thing you can do is just be there to listen. Let them talk about their feelings. Don’t worry about how you are going to respond, just try to be understanding.

It’s important that your friend remember their loved one, so don’t shy away from conversations or stories that involve the deceased. If your help is not wanted, don’t be afraid to leave your friend alone. Let your friend know that you would like to spend time with them when they are ready. Lend a hand by helping out with chores like cooking, cleaning and running errands. It's good for a grieving person to have a wide support network, so encourage others to help as well.

What should I say to someone dealing with grief?

Use your own words to convey messages like these:

"I/We are thinking of you. I/we wish there were words to comfort you"

"I/We are shocked and saddened by your loss. We care and love you deeply."

He/She was such a fine person."

"What you’re going through must be very difficult."

"It’s too bad he/she died. I will always remember him/her."

What should I avoid saying to someone dealing with grief?

"It’s probably a blessing."

"I know just how you feel."

"You have to be strong now for your family (or business)."

"Stay busy to take your mind off things."

"God won’t give you more than you can handle."

"At least he/she is no longer suffering."

Grief and Loss — Special Situations

Should children attend funeral services?

Any child that is old enough to form a relationship with the deceased, is old enough to grieve even though they may not be able to express their feelings the way an adult would. When a death occurs, children need extra attention and comfort. Children should be allowed to attend funeral services if they wish to, but not be forced to attend.

Be sure to explain to children everything that is happening during the funeral proceedings and take your cues from them. You might involve younger children by allowing them to draw a picture for display or placement in the casket. Since funeral ceremonies might be too long for a young child, it would be helpful to have someone care for them in another area of the facility.

Do the circumstances surrounding the death affect what I should say to the bereaved?

Certain situations make losing a loved one especially difficult. Whether the loss is a loved one in infancy or childhood, through an accidental death, a suicide, an illness or naturally, you can respond in ways that will support their unique needs.

Also, see our Grief section for additional information.

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